Talk Less, Inspire More

Do your teammates seem oblivious to the things you're trying to tell them? Ever give a one-hour lecture, only to find later that no one was listening?

What about when you're tryinging to persuade others. How often do you find yourself talking to a teenager or some subordinate, and you can tell they don't buy it, so you just keep talking, hoping to sway them?Has anyone ever rolled their eyes at you?

In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy asked the Scarecrow, "How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?" The Scarecrow answered, "I don't know. But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?"

How frustrating it is to know the answers, to see all the logic, and yet stating and restating your concepts seems to have no affect on the parties on the listening end. It makes you really mad, and it damages your relationship with the listeners. Worse, you even start to doubt yourself, your ability to communicate or perhaps even if what you are saying to really true.

So here's the thing. If you want someone's attention, shut your mouth.

Here are some ways you can start to practice "less is more" in your communication.

1. Pause. Breath, especially between sentences or clauses. After stating an important concept, just stop and let it sink in before continuting.

2. Slow down. There's no point in achieving a maximum number of words per minute. While people can hear at much higher rates than you can talk, what you really want is for them to digest your words.

3. Say it once. We often repeat ourselves in the fear the listener didn't hear us the first time. Don't worry about it. If your concepts are cohesive enough, they will come back to it logically.

4. Ask for feedback. It doesn't matter if they clam up. Simply request a response and then wait a minute. This is sometimes referred to a "pregnant silence," and such a moment could give birth to an important thought and even, if you are patient, a thoughful response.

5. Limit your content. You don't have to discuss EVERYTHING. People can only deal with so many concepts at a time, regardless of the amount of time you have to fill. Save all the extra stuff for another meeting. If you did it right, they will be begging for more.

6. Speak softly. No need for the big stick — that's just distracting. Ironically, lowering your voice brings people in. A booming, projecting voice might stand out in a crowd, but it won't get you any further in a conversation.

7. Show you care, not how smart you are. This is a killer for some people. In fact the instructor I first heard these principles from was a total hypocrit about it. He was right, and he knew it, and yet he couldn't shut up long enough to practice it, and everyone knew it. Just remember, people will respect you because they know you care, not because you are right. If you care, you will listen, and they will be less afraid to respond.

8. Stand beside, not out front. Some of our deepest and best communication happens when you are talking as equals, side by side. No one is better than the other nor is anyone being subordinated, and all confrontation is gone.

So this stuff is hard, REALLY HARD for most people. As many times as I've taught these ideas and got buy-in from those listening, they struggle to really apply it. Don't lose patience. Don't lose faith in others and especially don't give up on yourself. You will make mistakes. Just recognize it and keep trying.